If I Hadn't.

If I hadn't left,
I would still be there;
In the exact same place.

Things would have never gone
Back
To the way they used to be
They would have gotten worse.

And I still wouldn't be invited to
Anything
And he'd still be keeping secrets
From me.

I was lucky I left working there
God knew before I did...
That this was going to come Either way,
And I would have had to see
Their faces every day.

It would have happened
Either way.
Because he stopped loving me
And wouldn't come around.

If I hadn't done this
I'd still be at Kyle's every Weekend,
And I would have never had
Chiminea night.

I would have never met Cici
Or Doug
Or Brandon
Or Victoria
Or Alyssa...
I would have never done art With Jon.

I'd still be sitting there,
Falling asleep on his shoulder
To the music of Brawl
Or the buzz of his computer
Screen.

If I hadn't left,
I would have never known what
Real friends are like.
Michael Slemmons
Would still have his Puma
Hoodie
And I would never know
What someone loving you
And loving
Sacrificially meant.

If I hadn't done this
I would have never found God Again.
I'd still be lonely and Heartbroken
Over someone that didn't see
Me.

If I hadn't left I would have Never
Met
Sarah.

Because no one would have sat With me for 48 hours in 38
Degree weather
Just to shake Sarah Palin's
Hand.

If I hadn't left I would have Never really known Tim.
We would have never gotten
This close...
If I hadn't.

I would have never had Randy's
Help
To sort things out

I would have never been willing
Or up for being there for people
Because my heart was ugly
And I was so apathetic.

If I hadn't left I would have Never met LeeMychael
Or Austin
Or Zach
Or Keagan
Or Christian.
I would have never got to see
A Picture Of The World
Especially in the brick.

I would have never met
Connie White
I would have never adored Dillion.
I would have stayed at his
Beck and call
Instead of doing what I wanted.

I would have never started Writing again.
The only instrument I'd know
How to play is the X box
Controller.

I would have never met Caleb.
I would have never bought my

Miss me jeans
Or fallen in love
With someone else's eyes
Even though it didn't work out.

I would have never cried
Because I'd forgotten how.
I would never know my self
Worth

And I wouldn't be able to help
My friends
When they need that lesson
And to hear how great they are.

I would have never met
Chelsea,
And even though it didn't last
It was one of the best Friendships I've ever had
While it did.

And it had to be there for
Some reason...
And had to be gone
For some reason.

And
I would have never known how
Strawberry wine
And Rasberry cheese taste
Together
Or how sparkling wine
Tickles your nose.

I would have never known
How to help mom through
This sorrow.
I would have never understood
It.

I would have never been friends
With my dad again.
I would have never

Visited Lubbock
With an open heart
And opened my dreams
Back up to where I should have
Been...
Even though,
I think things worked out the Way they are supposed to be.

If I had gone to Tech first
Or not left him
Or stayed working there
Or enrolled back at OU

I would have never really found

Me.