I never thought I'd say this

But I miss my Dad.

That never happens.
But my heart needs him.

I remember this day...
Around the time my parents divorced that
He was really trying
To make an effort.

I was so angry at him
That I was being ruthless;
Nothing he did or said
Could fix it

Or was right...

But this day...

He took me to
Bass Pro Shop
In the city.

You'd have to know us
To know
That we've never been functional-

We've never shared any
Common interests
And I have never had any
Interest in hunting.

I like to fish-
But it's not ME.

And I've never known my Dad
As anything but a football coach.

But this day-
He took me there
And we stood in front
Of the huge fountain.

We were silent for awhile...


And then he got excited and said
"Look Jade, look at the fish!!!"

And I did,
But what I couldn't stop looking
At,
Was the little kid in his face.

And I still cry every time I think
About that day.

That was the only moment in my
Life
That I ever really FELT my Dad.

That brief moment of time
Is my relationship with him...
But I treasure it.

It was the only moment
I think in at least 12 years
That we've stood close together
With
No resentment in between us.

And it touched my heart to
Know,
Under all that...
Bitterness,
And pride
And tough facade...

There is a heart.
And I feel lucky,
Because I got to feel it...

In that moment;
Something I don't know that
My mother ever felt in the 16
Years they were married.

I saw his face-
Like a child
Watching those fish,

And the way he said my name...

Made me think,
Made me know...

Somewhere in there,

He loves me.