I always

Wonder,
What I'm supposed to tell them when they ask.

When they
Wonder why I'm not school
And why I don't have a job.
Why am I not productive?

What doesn't sound lame?
"I'm taking a year off to 'find myself?'"
"I was too overwhelmed and I need a breather..."
"I wanted to take time to find what I actually want to do..."

They all do,
Not to mention-they stray far from the truth.

But people-they
DON'T WANT
To hear the truth.
They don't WANT to hear:

"I got my heart broken by someone I loved so much-
That I literally couldn't stomach being near him every day
After it ended."

"Every second I was on campus I felt like dying,
Because the thought of running into them together
Made it impossible to function."

"I needed to start sleeping and eating and existing again-
So I quit school."

People don't want to hear that.

So on top of the huge hollow space inside me,
Comes this huge whip of judgment from everyone
Around me-
Like I'm some kind of deadbeat or thug.

I was an honor student,
And I'm constantly being harped on
About how important school is.

Don't you think I get that?

I could write in circles around some of these professors,
And I am smarter than every T.A. I've ever had.

But what GOOD does education do me
If I can't pour myself into it?
If my heart hurts so bad that it takes every inch
Of me,
To put one foot in front of the other?

Shouldn't soul
Come before brain?

Maybe that's not logical.

But I think it should be.

My heart needed to heal

And I'm terrified because it's March
And my heart is
Still NOT being pieced back together...

But maybe by miracle,
I will be someone else
By fall.