One Flight Down

I pull away
From anything sentimental anymore.

I don't know why I do it...
But it makes me so uncomfortable.

Like-
When he'd lean in for a kiss;
My throat would close up,
And I couldn't breathe.

And not in a good way;
Not in a "take your breath away"
Way.

And,
When old pictures scatter the table,
My foot begins to shake
With anxiety.

And I don't know why.

I have always considered myself
A deep person,
And very in touch with my heart...

But anything,
That makes me pause for a moment,
Makes
Me claw for air.

I used to cry all the time.
That was my thing.

Now I never cry.
I can't cry...
Well,
That's not true...

I cried over losing him...
But I don't CRY.

Not like I used to...

In the pause
Where I'm supposed to
In tender moments.

I don't feel those anymore
And I wish I did.

I just hate feeling things...
I think,

Because feeling them...
Means I can lose them.

And even though in my head it's worth it...

My heart is not willing to be broken again.